It seems there's a glitch in the Matrix

My mobile posts aren't showing up here, it seems.  No worries, nothing particularly fun has happened since the last post, just work, work, work.  One of my friends continues to try to nudge me down the romantic path, but my mind is consistently elsewhere.  I'm also trying to figure out what to do on my birthday.  I have a big event I've been planning for work all day that day, so I hope I'll be up for debauchery.  Ha, who am I kidding, I'm always up for that!  Perhaps a new tattoo to commemorate The Fast year is in order, perhaps even a cover-up tattoo to reflect my evolving outlook on life.  I'm much less combative now than some of my artwork connotes, so I will probably hit up The Diving Swallow in Oakland and plan out what I want, then start saving up.   Artwork is expensive when you don't have "a guy" like I used to have in Santa Rosa.  I like the Diving Swallow -- all women tattoo artists to make it a comfortable atmosphere, a great emphasis on nature and Japanese style tattoos, and it's right up the street from one of my favorite bars, the Ruby Room.

I'll keep you updated, America.  Soccer season's in full swing.  Let's get out there and kick some grass!

A month to go

Dear Jesus.  One month left.  Never thought it'd happen.

I'm having a good time in therapy, feel like I've got myself the most together now than I have in a long time.  I'm actually feel as though I am emotionally ready for a relationship after I go on vacation for a couple weeks in April.  I'm a bit too frazzled from work at this moment, but a couple short breaks and I'll be ready to rock.

As for being physically ready for a relationship...soccer season begins again this weekend, so that'll help, but I'd like some definition in my belly before anyone sees me naked.  Currently trying out gyms, may go with 24 Hour Fitness and get a personal trainer, just for health and happiness in perpetuity, not just for this project.

From here on out, a short post a day.  It's excitement time, America.

Reading:

Don't forget how to love...

I just chatted with a friend of mine who was quite interested in how the fast was going.  I was truthful, I said it was going quite well.  I'm very content right now.  I've become something of a conscious observer, completely amused by the crazy/stupid/amazing/romantic/pathetic things people will do for or in love.  I chuckle or marvel or just plain stare and it's like watching a play.  I've begun to predict moves like I do when I watch soccer.  I see a man approach a woman too directly and I think, "No! play it to the corner flag, cross it to the D!"

The long and short of the convo, my friend said to me: Don't get so detached from the game that you forget how to love.

I believe this is one of my fatal flaws.  I am a non-stop observer, to the point that I am waaay too objective in relationships.  My partners can believe I am distance and/or unfeeling.  I'm not!  I feel plenty.  But I would agree on the distant.  My head rules over my heart.  I'll never do impulsive things because it'd be romantic or cute.  I think first, plan.  It's not something I'd like to do, I'd love to be spontaneous, but my health insists I always have a plan.  I need the right amount of sleep, to take the right meds, to eat at very regular intervals or I feel horrible.  I can't just stay up talking all night, or jump a plane to Vegas.  I would LOVE to.  But I cannot.  So I have obligatorily become a planner.  You win, world.  I am my mother.

At the same time, I can't say I've ever been in love.  My head, again, precludes that primary love response in me (the lust, the longing, the 'always on my mind').  Secondary love develops all the same (protectiveness, companionship, support) but the primary response has a very shallow bell-curve.  On the flip side, though, there are the relationships where primary response is through the roof, but secondary  isn't even in the picture.  Those are fun but burn like phosphorus. 

My days are wicked busy, my nights just as busy, and I'm having a blast doing field research.  Singles group continues, after 2 weeks off, and I'm finding some interesting things about myself.  I'll debrief when the group ends.

Till then America, happy reading!  I just started a new book.  This is the boring cover...the one I have is much more interesting.  I do enjoy novels made up of short stories. They're HARD to pull off, but worth it when they work.