Don't forget how to love...

I just chatted with a friend of mine who was quite interested in how the fast was going.  I was truthful, I said it was going quite well.  I'm very content right now.  I've become something of a conscious observer, completely amused by the crazy/stupid/amazing/romantic/pathetic things people will do for or in love.  I chuckle or marvel or just plain stare and it's like watching a play.  I've begun to predict moves like I do when I watch soccer.  I see a man approach a woman too directly and I think, "No! play it to the corner flag, cross it to the D!"

The long and short of the convo, my friend said to me: Don't get so detached from the game that you forget how to love.

I believe this is one of my fatal flaws.  I am a non-stop observer, to the point that I am waaay too objective in relationships.  My partners can believe I am distance and/or unfeeling.  I'm not!  I feel plenty.  But I would agree on the distant.  My head rules over my heart.  I'll never do impulsive things because it'd be romantic or cute.  I think first, plan.  It's not something I'd like to do, I'd love to be spontaneous, but my health insists I always have a plan.  I need the right amount of sleep, to take the right meds, to eat at very regular intervals or I feel horrible.  I can't just stay up talking all night, or jump a plane to Vegas.  I would LOVE to.  But I cannot.  So I have obligatorily become a planner.  You win, world.  I am my mother.

At the same time, I can't say I've ever been in love.  My head, again, precludes that primary love response in me (the lust, the longing, the 'always on my mind').  Secondary love develops all the same (protectiveness, companionship, support) but the primary response has a very shallow bell-curve.  On the flip side, though, there are the relationships where primary response is through the roof, but secondary  isn't even in the picture.  Those are fun but burn like phosphorus. 

My days are wicked busy, my nights just as busy, and I'm having a blast doing field research.  Singles group continues, after 2 weeks off, and I'm finding some interesting things about myself.  I'll debrief when the group ends.

Till then America, happy reading!  I just started a new book.  This is the boring cover...the one I have is much more interesting.  I do enjoy novels made up of short stories. They're HARD to pull off, but worth it when they work.