All right, well I've got about three months until The Fast is over. With this in mind, I'm starting to lift my chin up and pay attention more to people from a romantic standpoint. I even flirted a little the other day. I'm a liiiittle rusty, but it's kinda like jumping on a bike.
So a young man wandered into my purview. I'd always kind of thought he was intriguing...dark haired, quiet, different, very much my type in theory, but I'm on fast and we worked together so I pretty much ignored the inkling. But we no longer work together, and here I am on my way out of this fast. We ended up at the same restaurant with a group of friends and we spent the night chatting primarily with one another. Nice start. He's got this intense stare. I like it a lot. I don't anticipate him contacting me, however. Remember me saying he was quiet? Code for awkward. I LOVE awkward. But it does make interaction difficult.
Also there are the holidays coming up. These are intrinsically lonely times. I'd like to one day settle down and get married...the kid part remains to be seen, but maybe that would evolve. In this same vein, I found out my ex-boyfriend from college just got engaged. Awesome.
Okay, winter here is just miserable, rainy and cold, but it also comes with the knowledge that in two-three months the sun's going to be out for eight months straight, and the hills that have only just regained their emerald luster will begin to fade to a brilliant gold, and about a billion plants will spring up, wildflowers in the glens while hiking, and the air will smell sweet in the heat courtesy of the sexy Ponderosa pine. Man, I love California. When it quits raining I need to get back to exercising and snap this body back into shape. After all, no one's seen me naked since frickin' March.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Saturday, December 4, 2010
A Revelation
Hi blog,
Alright, well I've been spending a lot of time alone lately (duh) for the purposes of figuring myself out. I'm enjoying taking classes and exploring my inner-space, but for the first time since I can really remember, I actually feel lonely. I've always been running too fast, going too many places, doing too many activities to ever feel it.
It isn't a sad kind of lonely, like needing someone to fill some void, to make me whole. It's more that I just realized human beings are intrinsically social creatures. I mean, I'm completely fine by myself, but with the right person I'm better. That's what I need to look for. It isn't ok to settle for who's around, thinking it will grow into something comfortable and convenient. It might even be a struggle sometimes, but to reach another level of ... me, I need others. Be they friends, family, or significant partner, others are a very important part of who I am and who I'll be.
So as I was browsing through J-date, wondering if I was even allowed to look, I laughed at my interest and closed my browser. I can't even get into this stuff until I'm free to get out there and jump in with all my clothes on. All in or nothin'! Til April, if someone interesting walks up to me in person, I can keep them in mind for Spring. By then I'll be downright rusty on social gatherings and will need someone to guide me, show the ropes again, then help me climb to brand new heights.
Reading:
Alright, well I've been spending a lot of time alone lately (duh) for the purposes of figuring myself out. I'm enjoying taking classes and exploring my inner-space, but for the first time since I can really remember, I actually feel lonely. I've always been running too fast, going too many places, doing too many activities to ever feel it.
It isn't a sad kind of lonely, like needing someone to fill some void, to make me whole. It's more that I just realized human beings are intrinsically social creatures. I mean, I'm completely fine by myself, but with the right person I'm better. That's what I need to look for. It isn't ok to settle for who's around, thinking it will grow into something comfortable and convenient. It might even be a struggle sometimes, but to reach another level of ... me, I need others. Be they friends, family, or significant partner, others are a very important part of who I am and who I'll be.
So as I was browsing through J-date, wondering if I was even allowed to look, I laughed at my interest and closed my browser. I can't even get into this stuff until I'm free to get out there and jump in with all my clothes on. All in or nothin'! Til April, if someone interesting walks up to me in person, I can keep them in mind for Spring. By then I'll be downright rusty on social gatherings and will need someone to guide me, show the ropes again, then help me climb to brand new heights.
Reading:
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