Oh yeah

Oh yeah, The Fast is over, people.  Move on. (FYI, awesome.)

In other news, new blog on my ongoing battle with agoraphobia (and occasional hypergraphia).

How much does THAT bring The Fast into perspective!

June

Alright, y'all.  I'm a little busy living life, so I'm only going to update this blog if something interesting happens.  Still working hard, going on vacations, partying in Oakland, and playing the field.  Also trying to get my write on more often.  So sporadic updating is on the menu.  Don't fret, though.  If you want to know what I'm thinking, follow me on twitter (@ckstackhouse), and read my book -- though the latter will be more about what I was thinking last year.

Love ya, America!  Stay sexy.

May addendum

Oh yeah!  I couldn't choose between my men, either. Each is so different, and good for different reasons and different occasions.  I'm going to sit back and let it all happen.  It's something I'd generally never do, but shit, what I normally do is a load of bollocks.  Game on, America.

The Feast -- May

Well, readers, May was a pretty tame month in terms of romance. I was busy travelling and working.  As for travel, I went to Toronto to visit one of my very best friends on the planet. She lives in a smaller town outside of the city, which I really love, because I get to drive through the countryside a little bit.  It made me a kind of homesick for Sonoma County (about 60 miles north of where I live now, where I lived for 5 years), with farm land here and there, trees and moors, then blamo, back in the middle of a city again.  Somehow, cities don't feel so big anymore once I go to the outskirts and spend some time and meet some people from the fringe.  Cities are this chaotic, swallowing thing when stuck in the middle of one, with no path out. But when you come to the edge and look back, it's almost like you can take anything they're going to throw at you.  New York City is unmanageable for me, I think, because the park is in the middle, and the edges are just more sprawl until you get to, like, Pennsylvania.  Anyway, my friend S in Toronto is one of the most sexually liberated people I know, and she's totally monogamous now.  She and her man have lived together for about three years, and they have a dog, pretty damn sure they'll make it official sometime.  They compliment one another well and I look at them...gosh, I guess I just never thought I'd see the day she'd meet her match.

I am currently visiting my sister in Atlanta (see? Lots of travel in a short span).  Her baby -- my niece -- is literally the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life.  Objectively.  I suppose it stands to reason, when my sister is pretty, and her husband is good-looking, that they would create a gorgeous kid.  But dag.  This kid's gonna make other kids feel bad about themselves later in life.

Anyway, romance wise, a bit light, but fun.  I went out a few times with a couple people, all fun dates, but no real urgency to push any of these to the next, more physical level.  Generally, if I don't like someone I don't talk to them, let alone sit or stand in close proximity to them. So just making time to get some food or see a movie or whatever, that's a big deal for me.  A little kiss here and there, a hug, a squeeze of the hand/thigh/arm that's a good space for me. Jumping the hurdle into the real meat of The Feast, well, that will have to be left to June and forward.

I have begun to fantasize again.  My brain had shut that down for a while, but it's back, for sure. Even dreaming sometimes. I don't really have sex dreams, but more...proximity dreams. Me and some guy doing something, like gardening or watching a movie.  Yes, a dream about watching a movie!  Most of my dreams seem to be just to entertain me while I sleep instead of having relevant meaning.  Except maybe when I dream of careening out of control in a car with little/no brakes.  Not sure what it means, but it feels like it should be significant since it's a recurring thing. If anyone has info on that, feel free to post.

Well, America, I gotta get back to grinning like an idiot at my niece.  Ciao!

Tia C

Tranquility

Remember the tranquility I was hoping for in this new phase of life?  That's not happening.  Trying to respond to all social invitations is...stressful.  I mean, really, I only want to respond to one or two, but have made it my mission to respond to more.

Then again, I made revisions to my initial Fast, so I can always make revisions to Feast.  I think I may have found a young man I really like...and I may have to narrow the perview down to one at a time.  I never said that would be the format, but it is too tough to deal with more than one at a time.  I mean, dating multiple people -- generally it's the last person you have seen that is primary in your heart and mind.  That is ultimately deceiving.  So I figure, pick the one I like the most logically.  Then cut the others off.  I'm an Aries, people.  I think I know what I want the first minute I meet someone.  And that's part-true.  I know about my attraction level.  That only goes up or down the longer I get to know someone.  But as time draws on I know what I want and what I don't.

Well, okay, no spoilers.  I'll let you know how the next couple weeks go.  Bye, America!

A quick end-of-April note

Well hello there America,

So April was an eventful month. I met a couple guys I'm totally fascinated with, and it's been a manic rush trying to carve out time to meet up with them. When in hell did my life get so full of stuff to do?  Only seconds ago, it feels, I was sitting, bored beyond belief, looking out at the rain like a five year old doomed to play inside.  The sun comes out and now everyone and his mom wants to grab a drink!  Not a bad thing.  I like going out sometimes.  However, at the ripe old age of 30, I don't rebound from a night of little sleep like I used to.

On another note, I'm really unsure about how people feel about me.  Like, in general: my friends, my colleagues, my dates...I'm an over-thinker, and over-thinking tends to lead one down a road of pessimism. And my gosh, do I try to talk myself out of going for people!  Constantly.  I figure 'what chance is there this is going to work out? Things don't usually work out for me.' Well, yeah, I'm sure that's what everyone says until they find that person it works with.  Like, "my keys were in the last place I looked."  Of course!  You don't keep looking when you find what you want.  In theory.  I can't say as I have ever conquered the wandering eye.

Early May (next week) is another round of dates and interludes. If anything awe-inspiring happens I will  be sure to let you know.

And Oaklandeers, there's a taco truck stand off happening next weekend at the Oakland Convention Center.  There will be a tequila garden.  It's a 50/50 I'll be there, but it looks rad: http://oaklandconventioncenter.com/battle/

Raise your glass to what's been an awesome April!

April

Hi readers!  I'm going to try to at least post once a month during The Feast, so this is my April.

Okay, first things first, I haven't broken the fast yet.  It's kinda special so I'm being selective and a bit tentative.  However, this hasn't precluded me from going out a few times with a few different people and just being more social in general.  Or maybe that's just Spring showing up.

On an off note, I may or may not have incidentally given one of the two following dudes very direct access to this blog.  I mean, either of them could find it, really, it'd just take a little digging (though in my experience, dudes don't dig).  This would make said dude privy to my thoughts and impressions, and no one ever really knows what kind of first impression they make on another person, the kind of play-by-play emotional ticker.  You can't walk around knowing that kind of info, man!  That's cheating.  And cheaters never win.

I cannot, however, let this change my bald blogging style.  It wouldn't be fair to you, dear readers.  If I've got something to say, you'll be hearing it, regardless.

Anyway, quite a while ago I may have mentioned a very pretty, tall, pale kid with a smattering of freckles, dark, simmering eyes and dark hair. He looks like Gregor in my book:

Well, I used to work with this guy (like five months ago), and he was actually sweet and nice enough to respect my whole fast thing, and we were supposed to go hang out last weekend.  However, he got held up at a radio interview and we had to reschedule.  Generally I'm not a fan of rescheduling things, so my head went elsewhere after that.  Then he showed up at work a few days later to drop off some flyers and he has now resurfaced in my consciousness.  He's Jewish and I've always been kind of intrigued by Judaism.  I feel like there are secrets in that religion, and whenever there are secrets, I want to investigate.  Anyway, he's got a very low-key style, never raises his voice, lovely smile. He seems like he'd never lose his temper, but he can be just as sarcastic and scathing as me so I'm never afraid I'm gonna hurt his feelings.  He's fun.  Have to see if we ever get together.

Moving on, there's another certain young self-proclaimed non-hipster kid with a mustache mentioned a few posts ago.  We went out for a beer or two yesterday at a Belgian Tap house The Trappist in old Oakland (and a couple other friends came too).  It was really fun and low-key.  He's funny, and smart in all the ways I'm not smart, thoughtful, adorable...and so nice.  Like NICE nice.  I don't think I'd be described as "nice" by anyone so I'm a liiitle worried I'd say something to hurt his feelings one day.  Also, I'm beyond a point where I try super hard when I leave the house.  I wear whatever's on the top of the pile.  He seems like he thinks about that kind of stuff.  Ah, youth.  

I've never been a person who insists on definition. Actually, I love morphing conditions.  So I'm not pushing either of these relationships in one way or the other, just going along and seeing where they lead.  And if they lead somewhere good, or they blow up in my face, I'll let you all know. Vive L'Amour!