My worst nightmare

Today in singles class, we're going to talk about or faults and triumphs and barriers to close connections. As in, everyone in the group will kind of critique all other members in the group.  Yikes.  I do not enjoy verbally critiquing people. That's what the inside of my head is for.  And I certainly do not like to have critiques hurled at me when I cannot rebut.

The format of this lesson is like being in writing workshop.  You sit in the hotseat and take notes without addressing the  comments coming your way.  If the teacher (or therapist in this case) is nice, you get two minutes at the end of the session to make your case.  It sounds terrible, but you get totally used to it.  If I approach it in this manner, as outside novice eyes taking in something you've taken years (well, decades in the case of my psyche) to bring to fruition, one can ingest criticism and process the good stuff while dumping the bad.  And my mother said writing classes would never help me in real life!

I'll let you know how this personality workshop thing goes.

On another note, in piggy-back to my last post, my very good friend L, mentioned in my Love vs Lust post way back in June, was my roommate for quite some time.  I wonder if the forced intimacy of living situation falsely makes one believe in a connection that isn't as strong as they imagine?  Or maybe it forces a person to delve deeper into another person than they may have if meeting incidentally on a street corner.  Any thoughts?

I have been called cheerful or always happy or chipper or "damn chipper" about a half-dozen times this week.  These are all things my ex-boyfriend and friends would never call me because I was always gloomy with them.  I interpreted this as my being more serious than they were (because they were some silly, silly guys), but now I look back and realize I was simply unhappy.  I can actually be silly around people I truly adore.  I can also be quietly introspective without tension taut enough to force me to speak.  I think, there-in lies a truly happy and fulfilling relationship, in which the two extremes can co-exist.  One doesn't always have to be "on" to please the other person.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you find yourself bending too much to the other's moods, it's time to bail.

Also, I'm moving to Oakland.  If anyone knows anything fun to do, let me know.